cRaZy LoVe

Yesterday was "one of those days." I was in a funk all day. Over the weekend, one of our cars had the engine light come on...not a good feeling. Both of our cars are 15 years old so every little noise/smell/jerk makes me paranoid. So yesterday we took it to a place where they hooked it up to a computer to see what was wrong. We got a call a few hours later. Jesse walked into the room where I was and gave me "the look." I knew immediately that something was very wrong. He said we needed a new transmission...which costs much more than the car is worth. NOT GOOD. I thought we would have to spend a horrible amount of some repairs...but I didn't expect this. I sat at our computer desk and just cried. Cried because we had one more thing to add to the "worry list." Cried because now we were down to one "reliable" car. Cried because I'm tired of bad news. But most of all I cried because my little Toyota is a part of "home" and I wasn't ready to give it up. I know that probably sounds CRAZY to cry about an old hunk of metal, but it is more of a symbolic thing. I love that little car and it had been so good to us. It honestly made me sad to think about not having it anymore. Jesse comforted me and reassured me that everything was going to be o.k. He was, like usual, very calm about it all. I'm so thankful God made us different in this way, because otherwise we would both be so worried and emotional and nothing would get accomplished! :)

I woke up this morning and was determined that it would be better. I got a call from some of the teachers I use to work with and they wanted to know if I wanted to meet them for lunch. I was excited to see them and leave my worries behind for a few hours. We had a great time talking, laughing and sharing memories. Although it did make me a little sad to think that I won't be joining them this year. They were so wonderful to work with and I pray that I can find future coworkers with the same connection that I had with these teachers.

I have been devouring this book I bought, with a gift card, at Barnes and Noble over the weekend. After I literally read half of the book in the store, I decided to buy it. It is called "Crazy Love."


It's a very easy read, but it's deep, thought provoking and full of scripture. I particularly love certain parts about trust...

"This place of trust isn't a comfortable place to be; in fact, it flies in the face of everything we've been taught about proper planning. We like finding refuge in what we already have rather than in what we hope God will provide. But when Christ says to count the cost of following Him, it means we must surrender everything. It means being willing to go without an extra tunic or a place to sleep at night, and sometimes without knowing where we are going....But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. God wants us to trust with abandon. He wants to show us how He works and cares for us. He wants to be our refuge."

When I first read that, I had to reread it over and over. I felt like it was written just for me. It gave me so much hope and confidence when I needed it. People are constantly asking about our "situation" and I'll admit it's a little painful to tell them. It wasn't in "our plans" to be here...in September... unemployed. I'm sure some think we are crazy and maybe even irresponsible. But I have to continually remind myself that it doesn't matter what other people think. No one else is in our shoes and living with our circumstances. We have worked hard over the past 2 years, been responsible financially, and believe that God will reward us for this. Although we DESPERATELY want a job, we are trusting that God will provide something wonderful for us...in His timing. He has been faithful to us and we know that he will continue to be. Thanks for praying for us, please continue to do so. We love you.